


Nonbinary Neil

by greenJeanKirstein



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Neil Josten, Trying different pronouns, aftg secret santa 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8977378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenJeanKirstein/pseuds/greenJeanKirstein
Summary: Neil tries different pronouns under the disguise of different aliases. As Alex, she has female pronouns; Chris uses the neutral ones, and Neil is too busy trying not to die to think about the pronouns he, and others, use for him.Oh, and Neil also tells Andrew that he's nonbinary.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [Written for @reyscullys for aftg secret santa exchange](http://www.reyscullys.tumblr.com/) for the prompt 'Nonbinary Neil+Andreil'

Over the years, Neil has had many identities, so many, that sometimes he cannot remember all of them. There have been some personas, that he took on for a few weeks, some that were slowly starting to feel like a warm and used sweater, until his mother woke him in the night and told him they had to leave; fast. Then there were those that he could use to explore life; those he remembered fondly when Andrew was asleep, but when his own thoughts kept him awake. And then there were those that made him feel a plethora of emotions all at once.

 

**Stefan**

 

Neil remembered being Stefan, remembered putting on the persona like it was a cloak that masked him from those after him. He didn’t even think of the name much, as they were still on the run, hiding in dingy motels and never staying in one place for too long. But when his mother enrolled him into a school in Munich, and Neil – Stefan – got to be around people his age. He made a few friends, or at least met people who considered him a friend. Hanging around with people his age was both lovely, but it also made him feel like something was wrong. His mother had told him to keep away from girls, so it couldn’t have been that. No, what Stefan realised, was that while talking to his friends about life in general, he realised he wasn’t a guy after all.

 

**Alex**

 

In Frankfurt, Alex emerged. Her passport may have prompted people to use other pronouns, but when she was enrolled into a few classes, she politely asked the teachers to call her Alex and for them to use the female pronouns. The teachers took a look at her – a pink cardigan pulled onto a white blouse, brown hair neatly done up in a small bun, a necklace with a pink pendant around her neck – and addressed her as _junge frau Alex_ for all the two months she attended their classes.

It felt good and almost perfect for a while, but sometimes when Alex showered or changed her clothes, she thought that being called _junge frau_ wasn’t right. It was good, but it didn’t give her the feeling she had hoped for. What she was, she did not yet know.  She knew she was not a boy; but she was not a girl either. Maybe that was why shedding the skin of Alex was easier than she expected.

 

**Chris**

 

Chris fit in with the popular crowd of Graz’s International Bilingual School almost as soon as September started. The other students were impressed how Chris could speak both English and German like they were both Chris’ first language. So when the first person heard Chris speaking English (and with such a perfect accent!), he dragged Chris to meet all of his friends.

 

“Guys, this is Chris!” The boy said with a wide grin. “He speaks English better than Mrs Jones!” All of his friends waved to Chris, but Chris nervously mumbled, “Um, uh, they.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“It’s they, not he.” Chris explained, shrugging and cleaning his glasses against the lower hem of his button up. “So like, not ‘he speaks’ but ‘they speak’. Sorry.”

 

The students looked at them, some arching a brow, some nodding happily. They all understood and for the remainder of the year, Chris was addressed properly as they had wished. Their pronouns sometimes caused confusion amongst people who were not close to Chris, but nothing escalated into bullying or violence.

 

It was kind of heartbreaking to go back to the States and to stop being Chris. It had been good to be them. It had felt good not being a guy, and not being a girl either. So even as he took on the name Neil - and the he/his pronouns - he knew that there was a word for what gender he was. Nonbinary.

 

**Neil**

 

During the first year with the Foxes, Neil had too much on his mind to even question his gender identity, or to bring it up. He figured he’d be dead in a year anyway. But when he lived, it became more apparent to him, that one day he’d have to tell Andrew. He knew Andrew had feelings for him (neither of them dared to bring themselves to say the _I love you_ s yet), but he was afraid that Andrew would not want to be with him after he found out the truth.

 

Still, Neil sat Andrew down one evening and carefully eased into the topic of their relationship. Andrew only stared, offering a few nods here and there. Neil breathed a bit easier after getting confirmation that Andrew indeed liked him a lot.

 

“There’s something I haven’t told you. It wasn’t relevant during the time, as I thought I was going to die, but…” Neil said, sighing and gave a weak shrug. “I’m not a guy. I’m not a girl either. I don’t really know what I am or what I should be, but there’s a word - nonbinary. I think I’m that. I hope it makes any sense…”

 

Andrew looked at him and rolled his eyes. “I’ve kind of figured, Neil. We share a closet. I know you have skirts and shirts from the women’s section of the stores. It doesn’t matter to me.”

 

“No?” Neil was still a bit shy and unsure about it. When Andrew touched his cheek and made him look into his eyes, Neil did so.

 

“No. I’m still with you, Josten. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

 

“Yeah?”

  
“Yeah, Josten. 187%.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr [@ wylanwaneck](http://www.wylanwaneck.tumblr.com/)
> 
> There is a picset to go with this fic, which you can find [here](http://wylanwaneck.tumblr.com/post/154860482493/nonbinary-neil-josten-for-reyscullys-for/)


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